


Everything I Have...

by Lynn_Winchester



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Confusion, Danger, Demon Deals, Demons, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Loss, Fluff and Angst, Kidnapping, Loss of Parent(s), Love Triangles, Mystery, Stockholm Syndrome, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-16
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:51:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2610782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynn_Winchester/pseuds/Lynn_Winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the reader's father is killed by a supposed 'animal attack', it is up to Team Free Will to investigate, but it isn't the case that keeps them hooked. During their interrogation, Castiel comes to find that the reader has been having nightmares, and flashing images come to her as of late. In a panic, he orders the Winchesters to kidnap her, and keep her in the bunker against her will, but why? What is Cas hiding? Is there something more going on here than what meets the eye?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Abduction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time posting here, and would really love some feedback/suggestions/requests! Feel free to comment below and let me know how I am doing! Enjoy!
> 
> Sidenote: I am kind of writing this story as I go with no real plan, so at this moment, I have no idea who the reader will end up with in terms of romantic interest. If you have a thought or would like to vote, leave that in the comments below as well!

The funeral was horrible. You had just lost the only scrap of family you had left, and here everyone in town stood in your living room. Condolences were being given left and right, and the fridge was so packed with comfort food, you could barely shut the door. You wanted everyone to just go away. You were sick of faking a smile, sick of pretending you were okay, and sick of everyone staring at you with expressions that screamed 'Oh, that poor girl.' You didn't want the pity, you just wanted to be left alone to grieve in peace. It took hours to get through everyone, and once the last person left, you closed and locked the door behind them. Finally, some peace. Food littered the counter, and table, a pile of phone numbers rested near the couch on the end table, but you had no desire to deal with it at the moment. Not after what happened. 

Just when you thought you were safe from company, a knock came to the door, and you rolled your eyes, wiping the silent tears from your cheeks. Opening the door, you looked upon three unfamiliar men. They were all in black suits, flashing some FBI badges, and staring at her. 

"Hello miss Y/N. I am Agent Ford, this is my partner, Agent Hamill, and our trainee, Agent Guinness. We know this is likely bad timing but we need you to tell us what you know about the recent incident." The man who spoke was tall with sandy colored hair and green eyes, his partner even taller with dark brown longer hair, and their trainee had very dark brown hair with bright blue eyes. You narrowed your eyes and shook your head, sighing before speaking. 

"Forget it. I already told the cops over and over and I don't feel like repeating myself for the thousandth time. If you want my story, go ask one of them for the report and leave me alone. Can't a girl have a minute to grieve alone? You people are such vultures." You moved to shut the door on them, but the tallest man, Agent Hamill, stopped the door. 

"Listen Y/N, I know it's difficult to talk about, but it's important that you talk to us. Does the name 'Bobby Singer', mean anything to you?" You opened the door back up and the mention of the name made you inhale deeply, putting the pieces together silently. Moving aside, you gestured for the three to enter your home, closing the door behind them. You poured them all some coffee and told them to have at the food, smirking a little when Agent Ford grabbed an entire pie and a fork. Sighing, you grabbed a photograph in a frame and handed it to Agent Hamill. 

"Bobby Singer is-was...my dad's best friend. They used to go fishing and hunting together all the time." As if on cue, Agent Guinness stood up and asked if he could use the restroom, and that was the moment you had had enough of their little charade. "Hold it right there. You three can knock off the crap. I know you aren't FBI. 'Guinness' here, is going to ask to go to the bathroom but really he will scope out the house. 'Ford' is going to eat and casually listen to my story while he looks for some sort of connection to his theory, and you, 'Agent Hamill' will play good cop, and try winning me over so i'll spill my guts and help you solve the case. Am I right? You are hunters." All three men exchanged glances before 'Ford' walked forward and nodded. 

"What gave it away?" His question was simple, and it actually made you scoff. 

"Well, for starters, I am not an idiot. 'Hamill' has hair about seven inches past regulation, 'Guinness' had his badge upside down, and you were missing a few numbers on your ID there 'Ford'. Not to mention you all picked alias' from Star Wars Episode Four, the last names of the actors who played Solo, Skywalker, and Obi wan. I might not be a hunter myself, but my dad taught me a thing or two. So, are you going to give me your real names?" 

"We apologize for our lies Y/N, but we need to find the creature that killed your father, and put an end to it. My name is Castiel, I am an angel of the lord. That is Sam, and that is Dean, hunters, and very good ones at that. We are here to help you." The blue eyed screw up spoke to you quickly, turning to face you and looking a bit sad. "I know you aren't always so short tempered Y/N. You are upset, and I acknowledge that you are hurting, but please, tell us what it was you saw." The man before you was practically pleading, so you sighed, trying not to let the tears sting your eyes. 

"My father made a deal. He traded his soul and his time was up. That's all. The hellhound came, right on time, and ripped him apart. He told me about it while he was dying, then before I knew it he was gone. I told the cops I walked in and a big wolf was in here, and blamed the broken back door on it too. They bought it and think the beast is hiding on the outskirts of town. So nothing for you guys to worry about okay? It's over." Your voice had grown softer, leaving out the more personal details, hoping they would accept it and move on. Castiel stared at you for a moment before his deep throaty voice rang again.

"Alright, but allow me to ask you this Y/N, have you been experiencing restlessness at night? Nightmares while you sleep or random images flashing through your mind, even if you are awake?" You furrowed your brow and leaned back some, creeped out that this stranger knew such a thing. 

"How did you know about that?" Your voice was uneasy, wondering if they had been stalking you or something but then after you confirmed your answer, Castiel turned toward Sam and spoke in almost a panic. 

"Sam, you and Dean get Y/N out of here now. Take her to the bunker and don't let her out of your sight, understand? There is foul play here, and she is in danger. Grave danger." Castiel then vanished, right before your eyes with nothing more than the sound of wings flapping briefly. You backed up again, officially freaked out now, not wanting either one of the remaining men to come anywhere near you. 

"Stay back! I don't want to go anywhere! You can't just kidnap me! I have a job to go to! I can't just disappear!"

"Actually now is a great time for you to disappear. If Cas says you are in trouble then you better believe you are. The town will think you got nabbed by the wolf, search for you for a day or so, then bang. Beautiful ceremony, everyone is sad, and better yet, whatever is hunting you, will buy the bait, and hopefully leave you alone." Dean spoke this time, while Sam began to step toward you, causing you to back up toward the wall. 

"No! Please don't do this! I am not a hunter! I can't help you at all so just, leave me here and I'll call Bobby to come help me! Don't take me away! This is everything I have! I don't want to be taken!" Sure, they may be hunters, but they were still strangers, and only God knew if they were psychos or not. 

"Bobby died last year Y/N...", Sam said sadly before taking another step forward, "He can't help you. Right now all you have is us. Just trust us and we swear we won't let anything bad happen to you okay? Can you do that? We don't want to hurt you." His words seemed sincere, and his expression was soft, making you want to trust that puppy dog face he was giving you. You glanced over to see dean's face, nodding in agreement to the statement. Before you could decide and give them an answer on whether you would go quietly, or if they would have to fight you on it, the sound of wings filled the room again, and Castiel's expression was stressed. 

"We don't have time for this. My apologies." With that, the angel touched his fingers to your forehead, and suddenly everything went black.

~~~

When you began to come back to, you found yourself in a room with bare walls. The bed you were placed in was soft, warm, and inviting, but your surroundings were completely unfamiliar. All you remembered was Castiel touching your forehead, then boom, nothing but darkness. Sitting up slowly, you looked around to see a desk with a small lamp, a dresser, and a closet. On the other end of the room there was a bathroom through the door, proving to be part of the bedroom itself. You didn't hear anyone, no movement, nothing, so you stepped into the bathroom, flicked on the light, and looked yourself over in the mirror. No bruises, no cuts, nothing. To your surprise you were completely unharmed. Still, you wanted out, and was hoping you could find a back door or something you could get out of. You returned to your room, seeing no windows whatsoever, and a voice suddenly startled you out of your skin. 

"Looking for something?" The voice was bass and gruff, and you whipped around to see Dean getting up from a chair in the corner of the room. 

"It's Dean right? Listen, I shouldn't be here. I need to go home. Please, can't you just let me go? I don't know what is happening, I just want to go home." You turned and almost begged him, still worried the three might just be a band of psychos. His expression softened some before he gestured for you to sit down, and he took a seat on the edge of the bed beside you. 

"I wish I could let you go home Y/N, believe you me, but I can't. Cas says something big is about to go down, and somehow you are part of it. You have to stay where it's safe and right now, this is the safest place in the world. Listen, I know you must feel pretty bad about what happened to your dad, mine went down the same way by making a stupid deal, but getting yourself killed isn't gonna bring him back. Sammy and I aren't looking to hurt you, we just want to help. Trust us. If we wanted you hurt, we wouldn't have bothered bringing you here." Dean got to his feet and you remained silent, as you tried not to let the tears well up in your eyes. They weren't going to let you go anywhere. You were trapped, being held captive by the Winchesters, for reasons that no one could yet explain.

Castiel appeared then, asking Dean to leave, and nodding when the elder Winchester agreed. Once the door shut behind him, Castiel turned to you and still had an expression of stress. "Y/N, you were adopted, correct?" His oceanic eyes burned into yours, and you simply nodded, pulling your knees toward your chest. "I thought so. In that case, we are in deeper than I thought. Might you allow me to look at your soul? I believe there is a wall breaking down in your head, and if you are who I suspect you are, then I am surprised you are still alive."

"Look at my soul? How are you going to-"

"Lay on your back. It shouldn't take long." His voice was flat, and a little commanding, so instead of fighting him on it, you lay back against the pillow with your hands to your sides. Dean said they didn't want to hurt you, so everything should be fine, right? The angel stepped forward and a light emitted from his hand before he placed it directly beneath your sternum. So far so good. Suddenly, he applied what felt like fifty tons of pressure, and your whole body felt like it was on fire. Screams emitted from your mouth but the only movement you could make was to arch your back, and that motion only made it worse. 

"Dean! Sam! Someone help!" Your cries for help slipped out between screams, and to your relief, Dean and Sam both came rushing into the doorway. 

"Cas! What the hell are you doing!? I thought you said-" Dean was cut off mid sentence, as Cas' free hand gave him a gesture to be silent. A few more agonizing seconds dragged on and you were confused as to why the men who asked you to trust them, to keep you out of harm's way, weren't helping you now when you were writhing in pain. The angel finally removed his hand from your sternum, and it took everything you had not to pass out. Your breathing was spastic as sweat lined your forehead, looking at the ceiling while you tried to recompose yourself.

"It is as I suspected Dean. I had to look at her soul. I know precisely who she is, and why her visions are surfacing. I fear we are all in trouble, and if she is found by anyone, we will be powerless to stop those at work. I apologize for being so vague, but I have questions to answer before I can tell you anymore. For the time being, you may take her to get supplies, essentials, and whatnot, but as I said before, do not let her out of your sight, and bring her right back here immediately." Castiel's voice was full of authority, and once both Winchester's agreed, Cas vanished once more, leaving the three of them behind.

You sat up, looking between the brothers, as the both of them approached you. Dean handed you a glass of Bourbon whiskey while Sam knelt to your level and wiped away the tears. "Listen Y/N, we had no idea Cas was going to do that. In fact, we have no idea what he is up to period, so just try to keep in mind that we don't want to hurt or scare you, okay?" Sam said while you sniffed the alcohol given to you, glancing at him uneasily. "He didn't do anything to your drink, it's fine." Once again, Sam used his 'puppy face', and you wanted to trust him, but right now you just couldn't. Glancing at the glass, you closed your eyes and shot it back, earning a holler from Dean.

"Whoo! Look at that Sammy, she is a natural! Atta girl!" His praise seemed genuine, but you still weren't sure about these two. "Hey, how about we take you out to town and get you a few things, huh? New clothes, shoes, you know, whatever might make you feel better about being here. According to Cas you'll be here awhile, so why not take advantage right?" These two men were trying so hard to make you feel better, and you appreciated it honestly, but there was something in the angel's tone that made you worry. After a few minutes, you agreed to go, promising no 'funny business' and no attempts to take off. 

The entire afternoon was spent as one big shopping spree, getting a whole closet worth of new clothes, a few pairs of shoes, bathroom goods like a straightener, curling iron, a whole beauty box of makeup and nail polish, a few books to read, and even your own choice of movies to have on hand. They allowed you to pick out your favorite foods to eat, sodas, and even liquor in case you decided you wanted to have a little fun. By the time the sun set, you had almost forgotten you were technically 'kidnapped' until you heard the front door lock behind you. You couldn't get out. Even if you tried, they would never let you leave, and a sense of claustrophobia set in. You pushed it aside, taking the multiple bags into your room, and setting things up in your own way, hoping you would feel more comfortable. 

Sam put away the food, while Dean began to cook burgers, allowing you a bit of time to yourself. You decided to test out the new hair products and soaps you git by taking a long hot shower, then dressing in a brand new pair of pajama pants and a tank top. Sliding into your slippers, you pulled your hair back into a headband, and moved to go toward the smell of food. Dean was a fantastic cook, and you stuffed yourself full, wondering where Castiel had vanished to, and why he refused to tell anyone anything.

"So, what do you want to do tonight? Movies?" Sam's suggestion was nice, and sounded almost fun, but there was so much on your mind, you feared you wouldn't be able to focus. Before you were able to protest, Sam continued, as if he was reading your mind. "It might help distract you from all the stress. You never know." With a small smile, you rolled your eyes.

"Alright. I guess I'll give it a try."

~~~

By the time the movie ended, you had slipped to sleep on the couch between the two brothers. Your head had tilted to one side, resting onto Dean's shoulder while his returned the gesture onto you. Sam had also fallen asleep, and moved enough to nearly fall off the couch, but he repositioned himself sleepily, forgetting the surroundings, and mistaking your lap for a pillow. Sam's head rested on top of your thighs, all three of you completely knocked out. Hours had passed this way, small movements causing others to move accordingly, until eventually everyone ended up comfortably on the floor. Dean was laying on his side, facing you, while one arm served as your pillow and the other rested between the both of you, as you laid flat on your back. Sam had moved to rest his head onto your stomach, causing one of your hands to rest on his chest, and the other to rest on top of Dean's hand between you. It was all innocent, and for a few hours, everyone was content, until you began to writhe. The nightmares and images were coming again. Faces you didn't know and voices you couldn't recognize, but it was all there in a swirl of black, playing your father's death over and over again.

The blood gushed from the slick wounds that ribboned over your father's torso. His arms were shredded, followed by his legs, and as he bled out and the invisible hound disappeared, you had held him in your lap and cried, as he told you what it was he had made the deal for. All the guilt surfaced, and suddenly, more of those dark faces appeared. A fight was ensuing, between two men. One was outlined with a white light, while the other was outlined in red. Blood was flying everywhere, pouring from both men, and no matter how hard you screamed, they just couldn't hear you. Suddenly you were chained up and in a cold dark basement of sorts, with an unfamiliar man questioning you. No matter what you tried to say, the man dug a knife into your skin, causing you to cry out for help, but no one ever came. 

You were startled awake then with both Sam and Dean looking worried sick. You were cradled into Sam's arms while Dean pressed a cool cloth against your forehead, and once again you were gasping for air. You took a moment to breathe, pinching the bridge of your nose as Sam spoke. 

"Y/N, what just happened? You were screaming for help but there isn't anything here. You are alright, nothing is after you."

"Yeah, what was going on in that dream of yours? Sounded pretty dark..." Dean's words sounded just as concerned as Sam's and you struggled to find the right words.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before. There are a ton of faces and voices taunting me, then my father's death, a few times over, then more faces before some kind of fight happens, but I don't know who they are. There are white and red lights, but only silhouettes of two men. Then after that, a new man has me shackled to the floor of a basement and he tortures me for answers but I never know what he is talking about, then I wake up. I don't understand any of it." 

The brother's exchanged glances before Sam spoke first.

"Well, how about you get yourself to bed, and try to get some rest. You look exhausted." You agree and both Winchester's walk you to your door. You step into your room before hesitating, and turning back to the both of them.

"I know it's a little odd, but do you think you guys could stay? When I fell asleep on the couch before, I actually slept for a few hours before the nightmares came. If I can do that again, maybe I can wake up before they come back. I mean, it's okay if you'd rather not, I just thought I would ask." It had been so long since the last time you actually rested while sleeping, and even though you knew it wouldn't last, some was better than none. 

The brother's looked at each other and agreed to take shifts, playing rock paper scissors to see who would go first. Winner went to bed, loser stayed with you. Sam was terribly tired, and knew Dean would pick scissors, so naturally, Sam threw rock, and Dean lost the game. 

"Always with the scissors Dean.", Sam said with a bit of a laugh. He bid you goodnight before heading to his own room, while Dean asked you to give him a second to change. You crawled into your bed, hugging your knees, thinking about your father, and all the strange things Castiel had said. What could be so terribly important about you that could cause such an uproar? Before you could finished your stressed out thoughts, Dean returned in a pair of grey sweats and a white tee shirt. He closed the door behind him and strolled over to your bed before smirking, trying not to let things get awkward. 

"Which side do you prefer?" His voice was sleepy but he waited for your answer, then slid in on the free side. There was space between the both of you, your back to him, while he lay on the flat of his back. A long yet comfortable silence filled the room, until Dean spoke quietly again. "You can talk you know. I mean if you need to. Sammy and I have seen a lot of bad over the years so it might help to vent." Tears filled your eyes, finding some comfort in his words before a sob escaped your lips. You couldn't form words, not really, and Dean somehow understood that. "Commere...", he said extending his arm toward you. Without hesitating, you rolled into Dean's hold and rested against his side, sobbing quietly onto his shoulder. One of his arms held you in place, while the other moved your hair, and wiped away the tears. Silence fell back into the room, and though no words were spoken, you managed to drift away to sleep, with the sultry deep rumbles of Dean's soft humming, dancing in your ears.


	2. I'm No Archangel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel returns with terrible news, losing his temper on not just the reader, but on Sam as well. When he comes to apologize, a conversation ensues, and more about the reader's life, and Castiel's past, is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the angsty fluff!
> 
> I am still unsure where I am going with this, and I hope the explanation is clear on the situation. As always, I look forward to your comments/thoughts/opinions/suggestions in the comments below!

The sun was barely over the horizon when you stirred. You had slept for a few hours, but just as you had predicted, your nightmares are what woke you from your rest. Dean was still there, fighting to stay awake, and sitting you up to bring you away from your horror. Wiping the sweat from your brow, you thanked him, before getting up and heading to the bathroom. Your shower was short lived as your stomach growled, begging for you to eat. You left your hair to dry on it's own, brushed your teeth, and dressed, before coming back into your room and seeing Dean had disappeared. You paid it no mind, figuring he had gone to get some sleep, and came into the kitchen to see Sam making chocolate chip pancakes for everyone.

"Good morning Y/N. Did you get some more sleep, or not so much?" Sam's question was happily toned, hoping maybe having someone around might help the poor girl before him rest. You shrugged one shoulder and moved to pour yourself some orange juice. "You know, I was thinking about it, and once Castiel gets back, maybe he should take over night shifts. He is an angel after all so he doesn't need sleep. Maybe he could do a better job, plus, if you start to get restless, he could always mojo your nightmares away." 

Your eyes went wide at the thought, remembering to when he knocked you out for the initial kidnapping, and having no memory of a nightmare even touch you. He had the power to take it all away, and grant you the rest you so desperately desired. You nodded to Sam in agreement, figuring if they asked, the worst he could say was 'no', and they didn't have anything to lose, so why not? You accepted the breakfast Sam made and ate with him in silence, the feeling of claustrophobia hitting you again as you glanced at the front door. Even if you wanted to jump up and run out, you couldn't do it without being dragged back in. You were stuck here, and though the Winchesters tried to fancy up the situation, the bottom line was you couldn't leave.

It could be worse of course. They could have chained you up and treated you like a prisoner, but instead they were decent enough to treat you like a potential friend instead. It was sweet of them really, and they seemed nice enough, accommodating you, and trying to make you feel comfortable in a terribly uncomfortable situation. You spent your day walking around the various rooms, exploring your 'prison', and getting to know the place. There was an arsenal, a library, a big kitchen, the living room, a bunch of bedrooms, and you made a note to remember which one belonged to each of the three men. 

~~~

By the time dinner came around, you spent your afternoon making a large roast with veggies for everyone to share. There were mashed potatoes with gravy, dinner rolls, and you even baked a cherry pie for dessert. Dean had gotten up to join you and Sam, and to your surprise, the three of you actually had a decent conversation, until the sound of wings brought all your attention to the end of the long table. Castiel had appeared, bleeding from his right eyebrow, but other than that, seemed fine. 

"It's done. I've got everything sorted out, but we are still stuck in hellfire." Cas' deep voice confused all three of you, and Sam tilted his head.

"Cas, what is going on? You haven't told us a thing."

The angel began to pace, and looked to the floor before sighing audibly. He raked a hand through his hair and began his story slowly. 

"Y/N was born from something I didn't expect. The whole story was nothing more than a legend to us angels, a story that held no truth till now. Apparently, Gabriel had an incident with another archangel, and Y/N was the product of their union. Gabriel took her to earth to hide her and keep her safe, setting her on a doorstep of a worthy family, able to protect her. He was able to put up a block in her mind, concealing her power, and allowing her to live a normal human life, safe, and undetectable by anything supernatural. Recent events have broken that block, and now Y/N's powers are beginning to surface. If that wall breaks, she will be like a shining beacon, and every creature in history is going to want to use her as a weapon. 

We either need to find an archangel strong enough to replace the block, or allow her abilities to surface, and hope she doesn't die in the process."

What!? You thought silently to yourself, in shock. The product of a love fest between two archangels? No way. You were just a normal person with no abilities, nothing special, and no powers. You refused to believe a word Castiel said, crossing your arms after pushing your dinner plate away. 

"I am sorry Castiel, but you have me confused with someone else. There is no way I can be whatever it is you are saying. Not possible."

"I am afraid it is not only possible, but it is entirely true as well. You are what is known as the 'Shadow Arch' by legend. I was sent to be your guardian, silent, from the day I was asked to drop you off on that doorstep, until the day of your death. I had no idea you were the Shadow Arch till yesterday, but if I had, your life would have been far different I assure you. I have followed my duty and I am still doing it now, risking my life to keep yours safe. I realize you didn't ask for any of this, but neither did I, and where as you have no choice in this matter, I do. I don't have to be here, but here I stand, bleeding for your sake. So if you have any respect for that at all, you will do what is asked of you without question, understood?" Castiel's voice was suddenly assertive, like he wasn't requesting but demanding you comply. He didn't mean to snap of course but if this was half as serious as it sounded, they were all in trouble.

You jumped at the angel's sudden anger and frustration, nodding quickly, half worried he would snap your neck if you didn't. Sam placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder and sighed, leading him out of the room to speak privately. Dean remained silent so the two of you could listen, Sam and Cas' voices loud enough to echo back to them.

"Come on Cas, you know you could have been nicer about that. She hasn't done anything wrong. She didn't even try running when we went out yesterday."

"Perhaps the situation is somehow flying over your head Sam. She is dangerous if that wall breaks. She will have no idea how to wield any of her abilities, and considering the fact that they have been bottled up since birth, it will all rush in at once like a river breaking a dam. Y/N is the dam, her power is the river. Do you understand? That wall can't break, and if we don't find an Archangel strong enough to fix it, or God himself, Y/N will die, slowly at first, then all at once, all while she is a loose cannon. I am not letting that happen whether you approve of my mood or not Sam. I've saved you and your brother countless times, don't go getting jealous because my attention is preoccupied elsewhere." 

Sam growled a bit under his breath, getting rather irritated by Cas' tone himself. 

"Okay! I get it! All that is fine as it is, we will figure it out, but you can't just throw information like that at people without warning! Humans need time to adjust and process information Cas! So now, not only is she stuck in an unfamiliar place, with total strangers who kidnapped her, but now she has to find out that she is about to die if we can't find God?! Cas, we have been searching for God for years, and never came up with a damn thing!"

Castiel glared hard at the younger Winchester and there was a long silence. You shifted in your seat, staring at the floor, while Dean took a drawl from his whiskey. What a mess. Sam was right, it was a lot to process, but if it was all true, then you were dead anyway, weren't you? The next voice you heard was Sam's again, and you rolled your eyes, thinking now was hardly the time. 

"We will deal with it Cas, but tonight could you just hold off the anger trip and do everyone a favor? Go stay in Y/N's room tonight. Let the poor girl sleep without writhing. We know you can do it, so just help her." Silence fell once again, and with a whooshing sound of wings, Castiel vanished, and Sam sighed heavily. 

~~~

By the time you were ready for bed, you neglected to tell either Winchester, and slipped away into your sheets. Resting your head against the pillow, you thought about all the things Castiel had to say before. Were you a monster? The only one like yourself? Was there really nowhere to turn and no one to talk to? This wall inside your head, how much longer until it broke? Where was God? Where would one even begin to look for God? How bad would this death hurt? A million questions whirred inside your head, and just as you thought you were about to make yourself scream, Castiel appeared inside your room, with a rather emotionless expression. 

"Do you wish to sleep?" His tone was flat as he asked you the question, not meaning to be rude, but sounding more stressed than usual. 

"Yes...but wait! Can you just, sit and talk to me for a second? Please?" Castiel sighed and nodded, taking a seat at the foot of your bed in front of you, and looking you over. "Castiel, can we just...start this over? From the beginning? I just want to understand." The angel nodded, and looked away from you, waiting for your opening question. "Is it true you've been protecting me since I was born?" The angel nodded before speaking, keeping his tone even, with just the faintest hint of sadness. 

"Yes. The archangel Gabriel was having sinful interactions with another archangel named Ariel. At the time, nothing like that had ever happened before so once God found out, he was infuriated. He condemned Ariel to fall with Lucifer, forever separating her from Gabriel. Lucifer was overjoyed by the blasphemy, and allowed Ariel to travel here, in order to seek refuge for her daughter, you, but she didn't have time to seek out the perfect family. She summoned me, leader of my battalion at the time, and potential rebel from the cause. She begged me to keep you safe. She made me swear on my grace that I would do anything to make sure you lived a full and happy life. 

She left once I swore, and I haven't seen her since. I searched everywhere to try and fit you somewhere I thought you'd be happy, where I knew you would be loved, peering into each heart, and trying to find suitable matches. It was a very long process, but eventually, I came across your father. He was leaving a hospital parking lot, devastated over the loss of his wife, and was planning to drive home and commit suicide. He had a good heart, but was overcome with grief, and I saw it as an opportunity to save you both.

I placed you on his porch, and as he went to walk inside, he found you laying there, neatly swaddled. I even wrote a letter to assure he would keep you, and that night, the two of you became a family. I was there, every night, and though you didn't know it, you were being guarded. I have yet to miss a single night since that day. You may not have seen me, but I was there, making sure you were safe. I've killed countless creatures who attempted to slip through the cracks, but they never even got close to you because I am a man of my word. I do my job."

You took a moment to let all that sink in first. Your whole life you had literally had a guardian angel and you never even knew it, yet here he sat, right before your eyes. 

"So Ariel felt bad, but saved me...did Gabriel even know about me?" Your question was justified and once again, Castiel nodded. 

"He knew about you the moment Ariel stepped foot out of Hell to deliver you to me. He showed up to see you, one night every year in secret. It wasn't until you turned four years old that you began to show signs of your abilities. You could move things without touching them, levitate, even though you had no wings, and then, you broke a vase of your father's and cut your hand. You were able to heal it on your own. All of this happened within moments, and Gabriel and I knew that you had to be better protected. Your life would have been so much more difficult if he hadn't cared enough to step in. 

Gabriel took on a new vessel, a vessel of a trickster, and burned out half his grace to build that wall for you. It conceals your abilities, it makes you untraceable, and to any supernatural creature, you would appear, smell, and taste, like any other ordinary human. Your adoptive father was brought up to speed thanks to Gabriel, and he agreed that he just wanted you to lead a normal life. In order for the wall to hold, his blood was needed as tribute. Things were fine, but then when you were thirteen, you contracted the cancer, and it was too severe for even me to cure. So your father traded his soul to a crossroads demon in order to save your life. Ten years later, just the other day, his ten years were up, and the hound came. 

The problem we are having though, is now that he is dead, his blood tribute is no longer holding that wall together, and it is going to slowly crumble down. It isn't likely that you'll survive it, and as I said, I can't let that happen. Your abilities will come back gradually at first, then all at once, and it is likely you'll implode."

You brought your knees up to your chest, and wrapped your arms around them. Castiel had been around your whole life, looking after you and keeping you safe. Both your birth parents, and your adoptive father loved you, but now there was a real mess, considering no one knew the tribute would falter in the event of the tribute died. More questions rose up, and you brought your eyes back to meet the oceanic blue of the angel's. 

"So...what are you going to do?" You kept your voice low, hoping he had a plan, half worried sick out of your mind that he didn't. He thought for a moment before an actual half smile crept across his lips. 

"If I can't find God, then I need to find and archangel willing to burn out half their grace. As for the blood tribute, I am paying that price, as it is far less likely for me to die before you. In any case, if I fail to find a helpful archangel, and God remains unseen, then I will have no other choice. If you begin to die, I will build a wall myself, while Sam and Dean will both donate their blood. This way as long as one of them remain alive, you'll stay safe."

"So you are telling me if your master plan fails then you are going to sacrifice half your grace to build me a wall?"

"No. I am telling you that if my master plan fails, then I am going to sacrifice all of my grace to build you a wall." Castiel's response was almost light, and the saddest part was he was still smiling. "I'll be okay without it for a short time, but considering I am no archangel, I will slowly burn out, and yes...that means I will die."

Tears flooded your eyes, spilling quietly over your cheeks. Two hours ago Cas was the biggest dick on the planet, yelling and hollering at everyone, and now, here he was, flat up stating that he was ready to up and die for you if he couldn't find another way out. "Why would you do that for me Castiel? You could live forever and you would just quit because of me?"

"I made a promise Y/N. I swore to protect you and if that means dying to make sure you are okay, then yes, I would 'quit' without batting an eye. For the last twenty three years, my mission has always been you. I had my other duties of course, like the Winchesters, another project of mine, but there was never a night you didn't come first. So I do apologize for being so cross earlier. I was panicking, and wasn't thinking in a clear manner."

You nodded, accepting Castiel's apology and wiping away your tears, unable to believe just how much of a difference Cas had made in your life, without your ever knowing he was there. How lonely you thought Cas must have been, just sitting in darkness, waiting to slaughter anything that threatened the life he had worked so hard to protect. You moved to rest against your pillows, looking up to the ceiling, feeling a bit better that you finally were up to speed. Cas got to his feet and came to your bedside, extending his hand to place his fingers on your forehead, and send you to sleep. 

"Wait, Cas?! Uhm...you are going to stay, right?"

"I suppose I could if you asked it of me."

"Will you stay? I feel terrible that you always had to hide. You could even lay next to me if you wanted...I think after all this time you earned it." You didn't sound forward, just thankful, not to mention it made you feel better to have him nearby, knowing now all he just taught you, not just about yourself, but about himself as well. 

Castiel nodded after thinking for a moment, taking a place beside you. He allowed you a few moments to try and get yourself to sleep but to no avail, as you began to over think, and tears came to your eyes again. You turned, half exhausted, head still reeling, and turned to tuck yourself away into Castiel's side, positive he had seen you cry before. He accepted your tears and readjusted the both of you, so you rested your head on his chest, his chin resting lightly atop your head. Both his arms were around you, one around your shoulders, keeping you in place, the other pushing your hair away from your tear stained face. He 'shhh'ed you comfortingly as he swayed a bit from side to side, assuring you that you'd be okay, and that he was there to watch over you.

Cas hummed a low tune, a lullaby of sorts, calming your upset mind and lulling you into a light sleep once he managed to dry all your tears. His fingertips met your forehead, and as you slipped away into a restful slumber, not even one single nightmare or vision dared to enter your mind. Especially not now that Castiel, your own personal guardian angel, was there to fight off the darkness.


	3. Everything Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader feels guilty for putting Team Free Will in danger and manages to run away. The thought of Castiel will not leave her mind, and she is faced with one of her worst nightmares/visions in real time instead of just in her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to comment below!! Let me know how I am doing!

A week had passed since Castiel had told you the truth. So far, you didn't feel any different, no worse, but no better either. The angel vanished most days, only returning long enough to put you to sleep, then gone once more. In his absence, you had grown rather fond of the Winchesters, feeling comforted to have them around. Today however, you were feeling terribly empty, and began to think hard on your situation. 

Everyone was in danger here, and the guilt you felt for being the center of it all had begun to drive you mad. Sam, Dean, and Castiel were all putting their lives on the line just by helping you, and you couldn't handle the thought of one of them getting hurt. You stirred before the sun rose above the horizon, showering, dressing, and pulling your hair back, before leaving the comfort of your bedroom and checking to be sure that both brothers were still fast asleep.

Once you confirmed it was safe, you took a pen and a slip of paper, scrawling a note, and heading for the front door. Taking one more look at the bunker, you sighed heavily, not wanting to go, but believing with all your heart that this was the only way you could protect them. 

You walked down the road, for miles it seemed, sticking out your thumb, and attempting to hitch a ride. You needed to get away, to get as far away from your new 'family' as you could. After a long while, an elderly man in a pickup truck slowed to a stop and rolled down his window. 

"Excuse me miss, do you need a lift?" He had light gray blue eyes, defined wrinkles, and his hands looked a bit shaky, but overall, he appeared to be harmless. 

"Yes actually, I was hoping to make it to the bus stop but I am not from around here and I have no idea how to get to one. Do you think you could help me?" Your voice was sweet, and the old man smiled, nodding his head, and unlocking the doors. You slipped into the truck, avoiding your seat belt, and keeping your weapon out of view. You had taken the handgun directly off Dean's bedside table, making sure it was loaded, as well as Sam's demon knife. You intended to give them back, just not before you made it to safety. 

The man chatted away with you about his life, telling little stories and asking simple questions, just making conversation like old people tended to do. It was comfortable, like riding with a grandfather of sorts, and so far he posed as no threat. 

"My wife and I live in a little yellow house on the outskirts of town. I built it up nice for her in my twenties. We've been together for sixty seven years now! Known the gal my entire life, and I still think she is the prettiest thing I've ever seen. We've been all over this world together, raised our three kids, watched their kids grow up, and now we even have a few great grand babies on the way! What about you miss? Are you taking off to get to your knight in shining armor?" The man made a guess with a bright smile on his face, and you couldn't help but smile back.

You didn't want to break the man's heart, so you lied. You wouldn't exactly sound sane with a truth like, 'Oh no, not at all! Actually I was just staying with three devilishly attractive single men who kidnapped me and hid me from the world for a week or so because I am some crazy archangel love child that can be used as a weapon to overtake the universe. Now I am running as far from them as I can because A: they kidnapped me, and B: I actually care about them, so there is that.'

No, you couldn't say that.

"Yeah, there is a guy waiting for me. He is perfect, and I can't wait to get back to him." You kept your answer sweet and simple, figuring it was easy to get away with, but immediately you began to regret it. 

"Oh how lovely! Where did you meet this lad?"

"I...uhm, well, we met when I was young. I've known him all my life, so I guess he has always just...been there."

"Ahh, a fairytale union then! I do love a good story! Go on! Tell me about this knight of yours!" The old man seemed so intrigued and so excited that you hated to disappoint him, especially since he was going to the trouble of taking you to the bus stop. Quickly your mind sifted for a lie, so you went with the first thing that popped into your head.

"He is tall, and handsome, with dark hair, and blue eyes. His voice is really bass toned, and he is a little intense sometimes, but he always means well. He is always looking out for me, and even though he is...different...he means a lot to me. Honestly I don't know where I would be without him." your words kind of trailed off a bit there at the end, thinking about Cas and wondering why it was that you just couldn't get him out of your head. 

You had caught yourself thinking about the angel constantly ever since he told you the truth, and now it was like he was there, in the back of your mind all the time. You began to remember things you hadn't noticed before, like when you were a child and 'could have swore you saw someone standing outside your window', and your dad would say, "Oh no sweetie, it was probably just a shadow from a tree or the cat." then compliment your imagination.

Truth was it was never your imagination. It was your guardian, making sure you were safe.

It was driving you crazy, thinking about him all the time and remembering how he was never around and didn't have time to stay at night. He was too busy trying to save you, but was sure to come take away the nightmares. You appreciated it, really, but before you had the chance to even speak, you would fall into a deep sleep, and within moments he was gone. 

"He sounds like a real gentlemen that one, looking after his lady like that. They don't make them like that nowadays. All you see anymore are those little punks who run around with their trousers halfway down to their knees, and their hats tilted sideways! Trust me sweetheart, he sounds like a real keeper!"

"Yeah...I imagine he is."

~~~

After thanking the man for the ride, you both parted ways, and you headed into the ticket booth to pick a destination. You set your heart on heading to New York City, figuring there were so many people in one place, it would make it difficult for something to track you down. Bus stop to bus stop would take you two whole days with seven total stops, but you went for it, figuring the boys would never track you there.

Everything was fine for awhile. You had brought a book with you, reading intently as the bus took you further and further from the bunker, and surprisingly, everyone left you alone. No one tried to talk to you and so far the only person you had to share a seat with turned out to be a lady holding a sleeping baby. No problem. When you arrived at the second stop, that was when the trouble started. 

You took a seat on a bench, waiting for the next bus to come when you noticed that things were getting quiet. People were dispersing, and within minutes, you were completely alone. A pit grew in your stomach, unease setting in, and gradually, a noise began to ring into your ears. It was high pitched, and caused you to drop to your knees, covering your ears, and then as you opened your eyes, a pair of feet were the first thing in your line of vision. Two dark shoes, black slacks, and when you looked up, your expression twisted in horror. 

You had thought for a fleeting moment that it was Cas come to take you back to the bunker, but to your shock, it wasn't Cas at all, though seeing the face now, you wished it had been. For there, just in front of you, was one of the faces you had seen so often in your visions. Crowley. King Of Hell.

"Ello sweetheart. Come to papa."

~~~

It had to have been hours later. Crowley had knocked you out cold, and now, as you stirred, you looked around to see yourself in an unfamiliar setting. The walls were made of concrete, as well as the floor, and above you hung the rickety lights that looked less than 'homey'. You attempted to get up, but you were restrained, not just by the wrists, but by the ankles, thighs, hips, chest, arms, and forehead. Straps held you to the table and judging by the chilly air, you could only assume you were nude as well. 

You wiggled your wrists, trying to break them free or slip from the restraints, but it was useless, and suddenly you heard the guttural growls of the hellhounds that surrounded you. Crowley stepped into the room then, wearing a white apron over a black suit, and smiling devilishly. 

"Evening darling. Sleep well? All that screaming and yelling you were on about had me rather hot and bothered if you know what I mean." He spoke with arrogance, and crude jokes on his tongue. You may have never met him in person, but judging by the stories the brother's had told you about him, this had to be the guy. 

You glared at him hard, not wanting to talk, especially about the fit of nightmares you had just been through. You preyed to Cas, over and over in the back of your mind, begging him to come save you, but he didn't show up, and he couldn't respond. You were on your own this time, and you regretted ever leaving the bunker. 

Crowley grabbed a scalpel from his table of torturous instruments and waved it over your stomach nonchalantly. 

"It's nothing personal love, just business. I need to tap into that pretty soul of yours and break down that wall, and torture is the best way to do that. Then, once I take your grace, you'll be left for dead, and I will not only be the King of Hell, but I will rule everything, including Heaven."

"I don't have any grace. I'm not an angel." You spat, your words coming out like poison.

"Of course you aren't. You are an archangel, which is even better. Your grace is trapped behind your cracked up wall. Should be easy to break through, I mean I tracked you down without an issue once you were out of that bloody club house those denim wrapped nightmares live in. Living with them would be torture enough if you ask me, no wonder your wall is already breaking."

The demon snickered, finding himself to be clever, raising the scalpel and placing it carefully against your skin. He pulled downward, terribly slowly, from the bottom of your left ribcage, to your hip bone. It was a deep and agonizing slice, and you couldn't help but scream. The blood began to trickle out, and he repeated this process over and over on various places of your body before switching utensils, and having fun with a new device. You screamed and writhed, causing your wrists to bleed from struggling, and a hoard of demons gathered on the outskirts of the room, laughing and taunting as they watched and enjoyed your suffering. After three hours or so, your throat was sore, your body felt like it was on fire, and your voice was raspy from screaming so much. 

Every inch of your body hurt. Crowley was leaving bruises, hitting your body with a wooden bat, searing your skin with hot pokers, leaving razor thin cuts and pouring alcohol onto them, and even pouring literal salt into your wounds. You looked a wreck, could barely see, and had grown so weak that you couldn't even struggle anymore. 

Just when you had given up hope, a very familiar voice echoed through the room. 

"Hey! Douche bag!" Dean. You knew it was him, not just by the choice of phrase, but the tone of his voice. Shots were fired, round after round, and demons began to scatter every which way. To your surprise, they couldn't get out, as Dean had blocked off their exits. Next, you looked over to see Sam bolt into the room, firing a newer looking gun. The bullets he shot exploded upon impact and burned the demons to fall to their knees, leading you to believe they were glass bullets, filled with salted holy water. 

"Exorcizamus te, Omnis Immundus Spiritus, Omnis Satanica Potestas, Omnis Incursio Infernalis Adversarii, Omnis Congregatio et Secta Diabolica, Ergo Draco Maledicte, Ut Ecclesiam Tuam Secura, Tibi Facias Libertate Servire, Te Rogamus, Audi Nos!" Sam's perfect Latin did the trick and the ceiling was filled with black smoke. Tons of confused demons still couldn't escape, and then Crowley snapped his fingers. All the demon smoke vanished, seeping into the floor, and he glared at the Winchesters. 

"Ello boys. Fancy meeting you here. I was just having a bit of fun, you know, the usual."

"Can it dick bag! You let her go right now or-"

"Or what Dean? Your boyfriend will flutter himself down here and take care of the problem? Sorry to break your heart, but he can't get in. It's warded."

Your eyes went wide. So maybe that was why Cas had ignored the prayers. Perhaps he had heard, but just couldn't get in.

"Oh, you asked for it you son of a bitch." Dean turned his gun away from Crowley, and shot one of the glass windows. All of a sudden, a large bottle came hurdling toward Dean, and he caught it with ease, flicking open his lighter, and setting the cloth that came from the top aflame. He tossed it, as hard as he could at Crowley's feet, only so you could discover that the bottle had been filled with holy oil, and Dean had 'molotoved' him in holy fire. It wouldn't kill him, but he would be gone for a while.

Still you fought against sleeping, just letting your eyes close and resting from pure exhaustion. Tears of pain still flowed down your cheeks, and both Winchesters came sprinting to your aid. They removed the straps and Dean picked you up bridal style, walking you out of the building. You remained unclothed, and the air outside was freezing, but it almost felt good against your burning skin. 

As suspected, Castiel was pacing outside. The moment he laid eyes on you and the boys, he moved toward you and examined your current state. 

"Cas, you gotta help her before-" Dean started but was immediately cut off. 

"I know." Cas' response was short and irritated, with a ton of worry. He placed his hand onto your forehead, and this time, his entire body lit up, eyes flashing bright blue. Your injuries and wounds vanished and healed, while your broken bones and all other ailments followed suit. Cas removed his trench coat and wrapped it over your shoulders, letting you slip your arms into the sleeves before he buttoned it closed. 

The four of you got into the Impala and headed back for a rather long drive home. No one said a word for a very long time, until finally you couldn't take anymore. 

"Castiel...can I-" You began to ask if you could go to sleep but before you could finish, he turned to look at you and interrupted. 

"Why?" It was harshly spoken in his throaty voice, then followed up with specifics. "Why did you leave the bunker? We specifically told you not to, and you did it anyway. Why?"

"I was trying to protect you three of course! With me around you all have to stick your necks on the line, so I figured the problem would follow me and I could lead you all out of it. You were so nice to me, I just felt like I owed you that much...I thought I was doing the right thing. I'm sorry." You did feel bad, but you spoke the truth, not wanting to defy anyone, just trying to be good to those who had been good to you.

"If you want to repay us for our kindness, do it by following the rules. We told you not to leave for a reason. Tonight's events...that was the reason." Cas still seemed irritated but he accepted the apology just as Dean spoke up. 

"Not that the three of us are ones to talk when it comes to following rules, but trust me Y/N, these are big ones. You have to let us look out for you until we can fix the wall, okay?" 

"We just want you to be okay. We want to help you. So promise you won't leave again without bringing at least one of us with you." Sam said, turning half around so he could look you in the eyes. You nodded, promising to do as they asked, going right back to feeling like a prisoner. Great. Cas handed Dean and Sam the gun and knife you had stolen from them earlier, and you were shocked when you saw it. 

How the hell did Cas get those?! He couldn't get into the building Crowley had taken you to, and you were sure Crowley had taken them when he strapped you to the table. You stared at Cas, jaw dropped, but before you could call him out on it, he gave you the sign to remain silent, placing his index finger near his lips. He half smiled and shook his head, before touching your forehead, and allowing you to get some very much needed rest.

Darkness threatened to take your vision, and then the voices started. This was it. you were living one of your worst visions.


End file.
